If any of you know me, which I hope you do-since you are reading this blog; you know that I am one of the most emotional people on the planet. Being emotional I have found in my 22 years of life as a blessing and a curse, lately it has been more a curse. So I sit here with the past weeks of emotions behind me, some good, some bad. I had a friend recently send this to me, while we were talking and I found it encouraging...I hope it does the same for you.
"you can't be strong.
He gives strength.
He gives joy.
He is our rock
our refuge...a place of security.
he, only He can satisfy.
it's not wrong to feel lonely or however you feel..that is real. Take it to Him.
Be vulnerable, transparent and honest with Him."
It was a good slap in the face, a moment to rely solely on Him. That it is ok to have feelings but to not let feelings get in the way of what is most important in my life. To not focus on earthly things that make me upset-to focus on what is above and to come and how I can do a better job with doing what I can while I am here. I found that instead of giving it to Him I have been looking and searching for it from people in my life, I need to set my boundaries again. I need to learn what is ok and what is not ok, I thought I had things figured out but I am slowly learning I don't.
I first before I go into what adventures I have been on would like to apologize to the people back home that I have put pressure on. I know that is unfair to you and that it is not something you need to be dealing with. I thank you all for your friendship and your encouragement and you are all encouraging, even if you think you are not.
On to what I have been up to. A whole lot of work! but I have been going off on little adventures by myself slowly learning what is at each metro stop and what is fun. This weekend I spent a lot of time to myself and just wandering around trying to figure things out. I did a lot of praying. I even treated myself to Dairy Queen, where after I realized I was next to a movie theater...I love movies so what would be best then to see a movie! the only american film was captain america and I had already seen it, so no movie! I thought to see a Chinese film but the times were off and I did not want to wait around for 2 hours for the next showing.
I walked over to book city where I bought my new favorite book! I am currently in the process of learning Chinese and bought a lovely textbook to help me along my way. Maybe I can have a conversation with someone in the near future? :)
Sunday started with the normal 8 am- 45 minute subway ride to visit Jessica. I listened to a podcast and my favorite kind of music for a Sunday! hoping I would be able to sing some later in the day when we arrived at my favorite place on Sundays! I got to eat at my favorite noodle place at community seating where 6 Chinese people were just staring at us but did not know much english to talk with us...another hint that I need to learn the language quicker! But we decided to head on our new weekly adventure that we have on Sundays...lets find the building! in Mei Lin!
this is what happened on our adventure to Mei Lin this week:
We got on the bus that everyone has told us will take us there, thinking we were good....we were so very wrong! after 2 bus changes (we were kicked off the first one to get on the same bus number, just different bus) We ended up somewhere very very far away from where we were supposed to be and it was most definitely the outskirts of Shenzhen. It was an area that was poor and had dirt roads in some areas. We walked around for over an hour trying to find the nearest highway in the rain while laughing and wondering why this had happened to us, again. We actually arrived the earliest we have on any previous sunday...thanks to the taxi driver and the 60RMB later! We arrived in time for singing. If you have heard me sing, I apologize! my voice was not meant to sing, it is horrible but I can not get enough of singing songs of praise. It was good to be there for that and has encouraged me even more to make sure I am on time and not 20 minutes late! hopefully we figure out these buses because its getting rough and expensive! :)
But once we broke off into our study groups I was hit with something I was not expecting, questions! and lots of them wanting to know more and starving for information. I really enjoyed giving answers and helping them see where it was in the book that they were looking for things. I felt really at peace and felt like I was doing some good. I felt at that moment peace I have not felt yet here in China. Kinda like I was supposed to be there...what I had been searching for. I am excited for what is next.
I also came across this randomly while reading and it definitely hit home with what I am feeling. Enjoy!
"I thirst for you, my whole being longs for you, in a dry and parched land where there is no water...I will praise you as long as I live, and in your name I will lift up my hands. I will be fully satisfied as with the richest of foods; with singing lips my mouth will praise you."
This has become long enough...I will end it here I hope you made it this far in reading it.
Highs:
Sunday
Lows:
The way I have been treating the people that are closest in my life.
Prayer Requests
To always go to Him first.
Stomach, is not agreeing with me lately...yay upset tummys
Peace
Patience
That I am getting enough rest
That I will be able to answer questions that the people ask me.
I love and miss you all
Ashley
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